DEATH DO US PART. Part one

virabhadrasana

This week I wanted to take an in-depth look at the asana "Virabhadrasana". It's a position I had a very hard time with until recently and now it's become one of may favorites. I love it as it's a wonderful combination of real effort (and potency) together with poise and relaxation. I like the meaning behind virbhadrasana, it's all about death, destruction and chaos. It's powerful, it's loud and it's here.

The story goes that Virabhadra the warrior was born from the intense suffering of his father Lord Shiva. Having heard of murder of his wife (Sati) distraught , Shiva tore out his hair in grief and from one of his locks Virabhadra was born - to avenge the death of Sati. We have anger, hate, vengeance, violence, war, blood and tears. More or less what we go through everyday at the office :-) But how can this be? We are yogi's afterall are we not?! Where's all the peace and love and "ananda"?! What's going on?

I love talking about death in Italy. Even during the yoga class when death is talked about symbolically, indirectly people tend to wince as if you've just insulted their mother. Italians are a highly sensitive and superstitious race.

But never one to refrain from getting my hands dirty, I wish to stick my hands in the guts of things and get them muddy, so here it goes:

There is a lot to be said for death.

Firstly not wanting to die is no excuse for living mechanically. Because in so doing we are not living at all, but simply zig-zaging our way through obstacles that life throws at us, desperately trying to avoid them and getting hurt, instead of seeing obstacles for what they are - indicators of the present moment in time, an invitation to LIVE. Obstacles are like huge red arrows pointing to "HERE!!!!" like alarm bells inviting us to sit up and take note. They are invitations not only to here and now but to what that brings or uncovers; our birthright of underlying serenity, peace and joy.

Symbolically all this death and destruction is directed towards our ego - which I like to think of as our NON-PRESENCE. Whenever we are not present the voice in our head takes control, judging, ordering but above all sewing the seeds of suffering. Suffering and being totally present in time, are mutually exclusive. You cannot have one without the other. Good news huh?! The syllogism being that if you want to be free of suffering the answer is NOT to change the context in which you live so that everything and everyone does exactly what you want when you want it and as soon as possible, (apart from anything what a waste of precious ENERGY!) BUT simply to be THERE WITH what ever comes up. Breath with it. Breathe it in. Breathe it out. See what's under the surface. Try it.

So all this death and destruction, blood and tears can be used as a doorway to enter where the big red arrow is pointing: to access joy.

One of the 59 tibetan Buddhist maxims (or "slogans" as they are sometimes called but this word I dislike as to me, it congers up thoughts of washing powder adverts on T.V) is" What ever you meet unexpectedly, join in meditation" and "transform all mishaps into the path of bodhi" (this being "bodhisattva" meaning "awakening warrior" - so we have another Virabhadra here). I love these maxims as they sum up what happens to me every single day. Ie. that nothing ever goes to plan. This is NOT a lament but a statement of fact. That everything is an interruption to "How Things Ought To Be. Bloody Hell." These maxims however invite me to utilize these interruptions as a wake up call. Rather than fight the occurrences, and disturbances rather than attempt to morph them into something different or more pleasurable or simply pretend they are not there, I fight my REACTION to these occurrences/context. Death and destruction comes to the inner judge. This death rather than being something grandiose is slow meticulous and purposeful. I step inside the door marked "present" and decide to lead anger, dislike, anguish, hate to death through starvation. Through not feeding them, through not fanning the flames. Starve the reaction of input and enjoy what's underneath. And in letting myself go to the fact that I have no control (or very little) over what happens in my life, I can decide NOT to plug into the feeling of being offended, or angry or disappointed. I can chose to sit back observe and RELAX. I can ENJOY. I can LAUGH.

I'll give you an example.

Recently a woman came to try out one of my hatha yoga classes. She'd done yoga of a completely different sort for many years and decied to try something different. I invited her to try out my classes and that of my colleague and excellent hatha yoga instructor (Gianluca incase there was any doubt!). After the lesson we had a chat she thanked me for the trial lesson(s) and commented "But...you know this Hatha yoga stuff...it's kind of like a hybrid between gymnastics and REAL yoga".

It was a bit like being mentally hit by a lorry. Again for a nanosecond in a kind of Matrix moment everything was suspended, and I had the space to decide, to choose to be feed offense or immerse myself in the humor of it all. I chose the later.

(by the way I wish to underline that I do not believe she was WRONG - on the contrary. She had obviously really experienced and lived Hatha yoga in that way - who am I to tell her her interpretation was "Wrong"? Her experience was simply different to mine. Funnily enough I seem to remember that the first time I tried yoga that's what I had thought too - "this is just gymnastics with a twist!". Excuse the pun. So if any of my students out there feel the same as my unfortunately temporary guest, it's ok! Really!!).

And another:

My daughter requested that I lie beside her whilst she tried to fall asleep one evening. Feeling compliant I slipped in besides her and after a cuddle asked "Nina - do your love you mum?" To which she replied "Yes." "How much?" I asked "This much!" she said throwing her arms wide open. A moment of silence fell to be broken by her adding "But Mum...I've already told you this a HUNDRED times!!! That's enough now!" "Meeting" this comment "unexpectedly" gave rise to a moment when all time was suspended, suddenly my inner voice through suprise was temporarily "blocked" my ego underwent a death of sorts as I came face to face with HERE and NOW. I burst out laughing and eventually had to leave the room for fear of waking up my other daughter.

This sudden need to laugh which appears from nowhere is often under the surface. Have you ever experienced having a really bad row/arguement with someone or talking about something really serious and suddenly feeling the need to laugh? Or simply smile. Let it come! It's the underlying joy which we have bubbling up to the surface - ENJOY it - don't block it. Unexpectedly you've unveiled the present.

A WAKE UP CALL

Recently I read a wonderful text by my husband's Tai Chi instructor called Tiziano Grandi (inspired by works of Gurdjieff). According to him we are not as it may appear dividing our time between hours when we are awake and asleep but simply dividing our asleep time between periods of mobility (up) and immobility (bed). We are it seems permanently in a state of sleep - which makes me realize just how appropriate the word "awakening" is to indicate a "higher" spiritual state.

It was to my horror that one day (although I am ashamed to say I fully related to what she was saying) my eldest daughter piped up with "the thing I like doing the most is SLEEPING".

Now I have always highly valued sleep. My afternoon naps for me are a font of rejuvenation and pleasure. I sleep on average 6 hours a night but yearn for more. It seems that we often relegate moments of peacefulness and calm to when we are in fact asleep and totally "switched off" (what a shame), hence we hanker after it (sleep) as though it were the holy grail and suffer terribly when we're ready for it but it is elusive: leaving us with insomnia and a constant state of agitation.

Once I heard a Buddhist monk reply to a disciple who was bemoaning the lack of sleep: "SLEEP? you want to SLEEP?! You can sleep when you're DEAD!"

Making me realize how much I'm wasting the time I spend post-lunch dozing off on the sofa.

When Tiziano Grandi talks about being alseep whilst mobile/vertical (for most of us during day-light hours) it means not being conscious of the fact that WE ARE at any one given time. To be fully awake means being totally aware of our existence here and now. Sounds easy huh? Whereas in actual fact we are, as he calls it, trapped in a cage (our body) that works obediently FOR us but not necessarily WITH us ( we are constantly distracted and detached mentally from what task our body has at hand).

There was a wonderful cartoon in the New Yorker recently. Writing it rather than showing it is not easy - but I'll give it a shot.

In the first frame of three we see a man hunched over and working at a computer. In his think bubble he is thinking about a game of golf. Next we see him on the golf course and in his think bubble he is thinking about sex. Next we see him in bed having sex, and in his think bubble he is thinking about himself back working infront of his computer. And round and round we go.

This is I think the biggest problem we have today. WE ARE NOT EXPERIENCING WHAT WE ARE DOING. EXACTLY LIKE WHEN WE ARE ASLEEP.

How can we retrain our brain and mind to tap into this wonderful commodity - being AWARE?

One way is to remember to observe ourselves and here's a little task Tiziano sets out for us Awareness Beginners:

Choose an action that you do often and repeatedly throughout a given period of time during the day (but you have to stipulate a SET amount of time for this task - don't attempt it ALL day as you will dilute the effect. It's like learning to play the violin - you wouldn't immediately start off practicing ALL DAY. Take it in bite sized chunks at first - perhaps two hours to start with.)

Choose an action such as;

opening doors

sitting down

getting up from a chair

answering the phone

When you wake up in the morning say to yourself "today whilst in the office I will remember to observe myself every time I ......" and for arguments sake we'll use "open a door" as an example, (but I repeat only for a few hours at first).

SO every time your hand goes to a door handle actively think "I am present, I am aware that I am opening the door ..." Notice allthe sensations of opening the door, how you feel inside and also what that moment is like externally. At the end of your designated time period or even at the end of the day, try to recall how many of door openings you remembered to remain aware. Think "How many times did I say "I am aware of opening the door"? If hardly any, it means you are not only UNaware when opening the door but probably UNaware of doing all the million things required of you during the whole time you are awake ("operative"). So you've just spent the last 24 hours being asleep effectively. Scary isn't it? Anyway....at first you may remember to observe yourself possibly only 30% of the time, then slowly as you get used to it, this percentage will increase.

I maintain that being aware is a right-brained task. Most of us are hugely left-brained dominant but luckliy our brains are extremely plastic and we can re-train our brain to become more right-hemisphere friendly, through tasks like the one mentioned above. It takes time, patience and persistence to learn anything new, for our brain to learn new habits, but i can't think of anything more more worthwhile learning than awareness - and ("right-centerdness" )because being aware means being AWAKE, being truely awake means EXPERIENCING, and experiencing everything to the full means LIVING (to the full).

For your homework this week I invite you to;

Set yourself the "door opening task" as described here above and

On the yoga mat;

During your yoga class, every time your hands come down to the yoga mat, think "I am aware of my hands being on the mat" and EXPERIENCE it.

For more about Tiziano Grandi go to his website here:

http://www.menteprofonda.it/

The inequality of time and speed

As in velocity.

Yesterday Milan held an event called "StraMilano" it's a half marathon, with the option open of doing a 5k or a 10k if you are not up to doing the whole lot. I did the 10 k. (oops! that little snippet of information just happened to get through - not that I would want to boast about having completed my FIRST marathon !!!! When I told Melitta my eldest that I ran a race she said "Did you win?" Incase you, like my daughter were wondering, NO I did not.)

Anyway....when it comes to running there seems to be a discrepancy between out-put of effort and the concept of time. Let me explain (for the yogis of you who are not interested in running - stay with me, this is for you too)....If I go at a relatively comfortable pace I complete my 5k in X amount of time. If I really push myself to my physical maximum the amount of time I presume I will have earnt is NOT the expected 5 minutes, but a mere and disappointing 10 seconds or so less than it would be under normal conditions. This came as a shock to me. How is it possible that my concept of time under stress or duress can be so completely over-estimated? And am I alone? I fear not.

Is our concept of time completely out of sync with reality when one is going about normal everyday activities? Is the amount of effort one puts into doing something quickly, matching up with the time saved? Personally I find I rush around at my maximum believing that this way I will earn an extra 5,10,30 (?) minutes of extra time. But is this too a fallacy exactly as it is when I have my running shoes on?

Today I decided to experiment. I leave the house at 6.45 in the morning. I have to rush back to be at home for 08.00 so I can help Valerio get the girls ready and feed them breakfast. I arrive puffing and panting, my heart beat elevated and my stress levels high. I weave around my children like a cyclist in heavy traffic and try to get them out of the door by 08.30. Today instead of rushing home I went at a reasonable yet comfortable pace and I arrived my feathers smooth rather than ruffled. I arrived ONLY 3 minutes later than I would usually despite the fact I was going at a "human" pace. Suprised, I felt calm. I continued to be attentive and productive and slower as I made my way through hair-brushing, tea-making and snack-preparing. The girls got out the door just as they usually do - five minutes later than they should - so no change there.

I continually hear people say "the fast pace of life is too stressful" but few tend to complete the syllogism; that slowing down reduces stress! Simple, no? And think - it costs us nothing.

Considering that going at our maximum pace earns us comparatively little in matters of time (if you don't believe me do as I did today and TRY. ) but a lot when it comes to stress levels, perhaps we could entertain the idea of creating a stress free day NOT by having a massage, listening to classical music, having a glass of wine, taking the day off work or going for a swim, but by simply MOVING MORE SLOWLY.

But not if you are doing the marathon :-)

THE BISCUIT JAR

Why is it that when we feel a state of boredom, anger, frustration, sadness we turn to the biscuit jar, the television, internet, in some cases alcohol, sex or a cigarette? The obvious answer seems to be that these things are fun. Well, some of them are. But if we delve beneath the surface there seems to be a different darker reason. It's avoidance. In order not to feel anything vaguely negative we cover up that emotion or sensation by replacing it with another more pleasurable as quickly as feasibly possible. God forbid that I should feel sad! Why is this?

I noticed recently with my small daughter Nina that when she cries my immediate reaction to this is to distract her. I point something out to her, I show her a book, I offer her a toy and in extreme cases or when I'm depleted of energy or creativity I offer her a biscuit or a sweet or a dreaded cartoon. What message is my behavior giving her? That pain or discomfort is to be avoided. That pain and discomfort is something bad. WHich is a shame as I don't think it is intrinsically "bad" and definitely not to be avoided. Feeling anger or frustration or sadness is a normal part of ones daily mental make-up. And it's actually ok. The problem is not to avoid these sensations or try to suppress them (a recipe for disaster) but to deal with them.

My homework for you this week is when you feel mental anguish or discomfort to ride the wave. Stay with it without distracting yourself with another cigarette. Pay attention to how you feel and let that sensation wash over you. Like a wave it may hit hard and then will dissipate and disappear. As one of my students said "invite it in for a cup of tea". Be hospitable. Thereby accelerating acceptance of oneself with all your sharp edges because they too are (sometimes) part of who you are.

Life is wonderful

photo by Giorgio Majno

Valerio strolled into the kitchen and said "How is it possibile? I mean life is so hard, people are so stressed, there's no justice in the world, but despite this...despite this, life is wonderful. How can that be?!"

I think the answer has to be that your happiness does not depend on outside circumstance and context. Having a roof over our head and and enough money to pay the bills and afford a comfortable standard of living does of course help, but it goes no further than this. Happiness, or "santosha" in yogic terms, is something that comes from the inside. Which is just as well considering that Valerio is, being the only male in the house, a definite minority ; he lives with four females (including an aging disabled three-legged cat) all of whom clamor for his attention constantly - our household with two small demanding daughters (and an even more demanding wife) is not exactly relaxing to say the least. Yes, contentment comes from within which is the only thing I suspect, keeping him from packing his suitcase and running away to a log cabin in the mountains.

(In case it's not clear - Valerio is infact my husband.)

For your homework this week I suggest you observe your wishes for the future. Do you find yourself saying - " I can't wait until.....

I lose three kilos/

I buy a BMW/

The summer holidays/

My daughter will eat something other than "pasta in bianco"/

I pass my exam/

I find the man of my dreams"

As if somehow obtaining these things or reaching these goals (I have nothing against goals! We need them - not to reach but to work towards) will almost magically secure you happiness?

Well, relax. The good news is you don't need any of these things to happen to feel happy.

The point is this; YOU DON'T NEED ANYTHING.

Liberating isn't it?

ASHTANGA yoga starts at Lotus Pocus

photo by Giorgio Majno

I am very pleased to announce the arrival of Mozart, our very own ashtanga yoga instructor here at Lotus Pocus. He will be holding his lessons IN ENGLISH on SATURDAY's at 09.45 in the morning. For any information do not hesitate to contact me at tess@lotuspocus.com or 3939844025.

The Method:

Ashtanga Yoga, according to the method of Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, is a system of hatha yoga based on "Vinyasa", movement synchronized with the breath.

There are several series or sequences of postures (asanas) in the system: Primary Series (yoga chikitsa) purifies and aligns the body. Intermediate (nadi shodhana) deepens the cleansing and strengthens the nervous system and the nadis, energetic channels found in the body.

Breath control, along with correct execution of the asanas, and the technique of gazing (drishti), are the hallmarks of this tradition, elevating it from mere gymnastics into a physical, mental, and ultimately spiritual practice.

The Teacher:

After having taken the Sivananda TTC, Mozart was exposed to the Ashtanga tradition by his mother, who started studying it in 2001. Mozart then studied with AYRI-certified teacher Alexander Medin before making his own way to Mysore, India, in 2008, to study with Guru Sri K. Pattabhi Jois and Sharath Rangaswamy

First trial class offered free of charge. Enjoy!

Warning; it's addictive.

Learning how to breathe (and run)

According to positive psychologists, pschoanalysts and neurologists in order to keep ones brain active and healthy it is not enough to get really good at one thing (the couch potato's version of "brain train"). One has to push oneself a little further into unknown territory. So although I believe I'm relatively good at and enjoy teaching yoga immensely and strive towards bettering my skills in this field , this apparently is not enough. I have to embark apon something different, challenging both didactically , something that is stimulating on an educational learning level, but also partake in something physically bracing. Both should be new turf, something my brain and my body are not used to.

Therefore Italian and yoga are out (as in "still THERE" but unfortunately "don't count"), Japanese and running are in.

Yes, me. Running. Never said I'd do it, always swore I wouldn't but the day has finally come. Inspired by friends, my body and Murakami's "what I talk about when I talk about running" I laced up my trainers and took to Parco Sempione.

And found I couldn't breathe. One wonderful way of discovering you can't do something is by observing yourself trying to doing it. Seeing as breathing becomes such a fundamental "red light" element to running that it simply CANNOT be ignored, I found myself concentrating on my breathing to find out why on earth it was so incredibly difficult. And it all came down to my nose. I simply wasn't using it at all. My nose whilst running (excuse the pun) became nothing more than a aesthetic facial appendix that did less for me than my socks or gloves. It was effectively unemployed. I noticed that I was breathing with my mouth alone. I was blocking the air that would have entered and come out of my nostrils. This resulted in less oxygen for my body leaving me totally exhausted and my body under stress.

This lead to further investigation. Was I breathing like this ALL THE TIME? Even when not getting over taken by anyone with running shoes? And to my amazement the answer was "well....yes. Most of the time". I tend to block my breathing not only in Parco Sempione but also during the day.

Do you? For your homework for this week I invite you to observe your breathing and to notice if you are holding or blocking your breath in any way.

If you are, here are a few reasons why bad breathing habits should be turned around.

Breathing with your nose is fundamental. Most schools of yoga encourage nose breathing rather than doing so with your mouth. This is because the nose is a very useful tool. It filters the air of germs and particles so that the air breathed in is relatively "clean", hence you protect yourself from illness. Your nose also provides a heating service rendering the air warmer and more thermically appetizing to the lungs. Through the nose the air is also humidified for the same reason.

Avoid shallow breathing is also important. Some people "sip" the air into the top part of the lungs only, this deprives the body of oxygen putting one into "fight or flight" mode. The nervous system receives the message (through lack of oxygen) that one is in danger and the whole body is put on "alert" with all the negative effects this has. It may block digestion, appetite (including sexual), muscles are tensed, natural sleeping patterns are disturbed, makeing one feel fatigued, nervous and irritable (think of wild animal running away from danger to understand how one feels when in "fight or fight" mode. It's difficult for them to "nest" to eat, to sleep to procreate etc.). Just as shallow quick breathing induces a state of stress, deep slow breathing encourages calm and tranquility. The nervous system believes one is relaxed (which is why in positions of balance in the yoga class one is encouraged to breathe slowly - the body feels more relaxed and is likely to stay where it is without falling over).

Shallow breathing (limited oxygen supply) impedes the elimination of toxins such as carbon dioxide. Every cell of our body needs oxygen and by starving them of that plus limiting our out breath, we're effectively hoarding toxins in our body . Breathing deeply means increased oxygen which equals healthy cells and healthy body. And this obviously has a positive effect on our mind.

Patanjali said "if living means breathing, then breathing well means living well".

As my maestra Beatrice Calcagono pointed out to me, animals who breath slowly have a longer life span (think elephants) and those who have shorter breathing patterns (think mice) don't live as long. Breathe slower and deeper!

Yogis believe "prana" (energy) is drawn into the body via air breathed in through the nose. And it is this energy that staves off disease ensuring the proper functioning of ones vital organs and nervous system. Breath through your nose!

When is breathing with your mouth ok? Well...when running for example. When one needs extra bursts of oxygen for energy. But in this case, for extra oxygen your nose can and should be employed too.

Alan Wallace in his book "The attention revolution" suggests that it is not sleep itself that leaves us feeling refreshed, reinvigorated and rested but perhaps due to the fact that we have a period of several hours during which time we (allow ourselves to) breathe "correctly".

So, I'm learning to breathe. And run (up to 60 minutes so far!).