Recently Melitta made a new friend at our wonderful local bar Nord Est. Her name was Zoe. She, like Melitta is 6 years old but unlike Melitta is tall for her age and can ride a bike. Without the little support wheels on the back. Having shared Melitta's toys at the bar Zoe invited Melitta outside to try to learn to cycle on her new bicycle. The invitation was welcomed, but the outcome was disappointing I fear for my daughter. A) because the saddle was up to high for her and B) she didn't manage to learn in the space of 15 minutes available and four square meters afforded to us outside Nord Est. The space problem was aggravated by the fact that outside BlueNote (a famous jazz club here in Milan) was a crowd of very well-heeled Milanese waiting to enter. Each time Melitta tried to ride the bike around in a circle (about the only possibility) she inevitably headed for these beautiful milanese women (being Italian they didn't seem to mind too much) and to be more precise, directly at their elegantly stockinged legs, or worse the wall. Basically whatever danger Melitta tried to avoid she aimed for. Why was this? Because that is where she was looking. If you concentrate on something even though you may wish to avoid it, the chances are you will head straight for it . And this is a perfect metaphor for mental outlook and a possible key to success in achieving your goals (or otherwise). Whatever you fear the more you concentrate your energies there, the more your fears are likely to become reality. It's not your fault it's just due to an untrained mind. However the GOOD news is that the opposite is also true: the more you are convinced that something positive will go your way the more you strive towards it and the more likely your wishes will come true. The direction you take is up to you: positive or negative. You can CHOOSE.
Think about it for a moment....has there been a time in your life when you have constantly been sure that something would go your way? Have you ever really BELIEVED that this positive goal would become reality? And did it? And have you ever had the opposite experience, thought constantly about the worst possible scenario over a long period of time and found that you got ever nearer to your fears? Well...I personally have had the experience of both.
SO what is it that you fear most? What is it that you constantly spend mental time and energy on? That you are going to remain single? That no-body likes you? That you are not a good father/boss/student? That you won't get through that job interview? And then think about what you would like to be or become, be it; confident, sporty, sociable, loving and caring, open....whatever it is my yogic invitation/homework for you this week is to start believing it's going to happen. Because it CAN and it WILL. Your only obstacle is not the financial crisis, your mother-in-law or the pimple on your nose, the only obstacle is your MIND. But just as it can be an obstacle - used in the right way it can become a very powerful TOOL. Every time you find yourselves mulling over the insidious "negative anti-goal" turn it around. Think I AM going to, I WILL be, I can ......... plus the positive aspiration (finish the sentence yourself). Whenever you have free mental space in which to think ,go over your positive goal until it becomes almost a mantra. Head towards open ground don't close yourselves up to claustrophobic "I'll never be able to...."s. Life is too short.
Think positively - how? By refuting negative thoughts and turning them around. Even if you have to do this again and again and again. Most negativity comes with problems - so try to think about them in a different way - difficulties are opportunities. Problems teach you something. Each time one comes up think "what can this teach me?" What can this enable me to do?
This comes to mind now because my youngest child Nina is at home with a fever. My first reaction after the general worry, was "bloody hell! I'm going to have to change all my plans!" but I caught myself just in time and thought "Stop! What is GOOD about this problem?" Well....it enables me to stay at home! I can finally try out some of those more complicated recipes I've been waiting to inflict on my family ;-), I can get in contact with old friends, It gives Nina and I some "you and me" time together. When she's a asleep I can finally READ. etc. etc. And I started to feel GOOD about this disruption to my plans. The more you do it the more you re-educate your mind into opting for the positive the more you will feel different about yourself and the world around you. So see each problem as at the very least as an opportunity to retrain your brain.
It's not so much a case of you are what you eat but you are what you THINK.
2 comments:
Venerdì scorso sono andato a ritirare l'auto nuova di mio padre. Ho dovuto farlo perché mio padre sta attraversando uno dei suoi momenti di "depressione" per cui ha paura di tutto.
Ritirata l'auto l'ho accompagnato in uno di quei grandi parcheggi da centro commerciale, vuoto (per ironia della sorte, lo stesso dove lui mi insegnò - invero cercò di farlo - a guidare). Appena iniziato a fargli fare le prime manovre, mi telefona mia moglie con una serie di urgenze (passare in farmacia, in erboristeria, ..., prima recuperando lei stessa e il tutto prima che chiudessero: sottolineo che era lo scorso Venerdì Santo, in ora di punta, vicino al casello dell'A4!). Riprendo il posto di guida, passiamo a prendere al volo mia madre (che non aveva visto ancora la loro auto nuova)e, quindi, al volo mia moglie (abitiamo troppo vicino a tutti i suoceri!). Prima stazione: la farmacia. Parcheggio l'auto regolarmente nel posto più vicino alla farmacia: casualmente passa di lì mia suocera e, scorgendomi, si complimenta per il mio parcheggio. Che c'è di strano: ho parcheggiato proprio di fianco alla farmacia, di fronte al supermercato, a lato di altri negozi (molto frequentati) e sotto un condominio grosso così: avevo a disposizione neanche dieci posti. La risposta a mia suocera è stata semplice: avevo bisogno di un posto proprio lì e sono partito con l'idea di trovare il posto lì. Semplice (fra l'altro è una tecnica che impiego, con successo, più o meno da quando ho la patente: o è bravura o è il mitico "fattore C"). In realtà penso, se posso presumere di raccontare i miei pensieri, che le cose accadono malgrado o nonostante noi: sta a noi sapere accettare cosa accade, senza averne paura. Sto diventando troppo prolisso: fra l'altro sono idee che sto semplicemente saccheggiando ad un anti-illuminista (proprio così!) tedesco di fine settecento.
Ciao Andrea,
E viva il "fattore C"! Io ci credo.
Anche se ho le idea un pò confuse; non so se le cose succedono "malgrado o nonostante noi" credo comunque che abbiamo un'influenza enorme su (? - preposizioni per me sono sempre difficili) nostro futuro - voglio dire se è vero che ogni mia azione influenza le persone e contesto che mi sta attorno, e ovvio che queste cose influenzeranno il mio futuro. No? Communque visto che è stato studiato scientificamente (non che per me questo - statische etc. - sia importante , ma per altri potrebbe essere un strumento considerato utile e valido) che succedono più cose positive a quelli che pensano postivo e vica versa. Per me è indicativo che puoi realmente influenzare la tua vita e (il tuo futuro) persino il parcheggi davvanti la farmacia ;-)
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